desperately seeking… a nanny

In the past 16 months I have learned a lot about myself in regards to feeling OK with someone else taking care of little man.  I immediately signed up with a couple of nanny services here locally where the fun began!  Every Tuesday and Thursday I would get to start completely over with a new nanny.  Remembering some of them:

• K – a sweet skinny young’in who tied the knot during the time she was nannying for us.  She felt he was too heavy and brought her own slings to carry him around.  Many times when I would sneak a peek at the two of them, it looked like this tiny waif of a girl holding a chubby baby.  So funny and cute.  She resigned after getting married because her husband wanted her to have a full-time job.  She’s also a singer in a band that is trying to make it big.  Very interesting.  I really liked her.
• J – she only was here twice.  The second time she informed me that little man was hot and that she gave him some tylenol.  Hello?  I’ve never showed you where the tylenol is, and I work from home… just ask me.  Normally young lady, I would take his temperature and dose appropriately.  Oh wait, you gave him meds to the second line?  Yeah, you overdosed him.  Way to go.  Phoned the service.  Do NOT send her back please!
• The British Nanny – I loved her.  She found something more full-time as well.  What a nice one!
• A – The one I have today who is leaving the state at the end of this month.  The very best by far, and I will miss her terribly.

With all that said, I decided to set out searching for the next caregiver for my son on Tuesdays and Thursdays while I work in the office from home.  I found a lady on Craigslist.  Can I say never never use Craigslist!

Anyway, I emailed a lady on Craigslist who sounded reasonable.  Older.  Responsibile.  Until we met in person and that image quickly converted to me thinking, “Um, yeah you won’t be watching my little man.”  It started out with her telling me that she had three references, one of which was her daughter but that it probably wasn’t a good idea to phone her daughter because they weren’t speaking right now.  Then she went on to tell me why… because her daughter stayed out all night the night before and the mother upon arriving at her daughter’s house to see her granddaughter proceeded to tell her daughter off for her all-night escapades.  I’m sitting in silence thinking… ok here’s a red flag.  She’s fiesty.  Secondly, if she’s telling me all this crap now imagine how much more she’ll be telling me in a week.

My mind immediately started trying to figure out how to get out of this one since she was already becoming pushy about me paying her in cash and no taxes involved though I explained that I would have to take out taxes this year “maybe;” I really wanted the opportunity to research it myself since I’d recently discovered I may have been doing it wrong.  She immediately rushes to quick judgment and begins explaining to me how it works and how at work I could take out pre-tax, yadda yadda yadda.  I told her yes, I could but that wouldn’t start until 2010.  It went on.

Then she proceeded with what she’d be doing with my son.  Taking him to the park most days… oh and in fact the park down the road is named after a young girl that she used to babysit.  On and on.  I was so uncomfortable.

At the end, “How do you feel about me?  I feel like home HERE.”

Yeah, I bet you do.  RUN!!!!

I ended up finding a sweet 65 year old lady who was a social worker in her career with lots of childcare references and background.  I’m happy I found her!  She starts September 1st.

Infertiles make better mothers…

This is just my opinion, but it is so obvious to me.  On one forum in Fertility Friend (a due date buddy group – mostly containing women who got pregnant fast (fertiles)), you’ll hear mothers and mothers-to-be talk about one thing or another…  a lot of self disclosure about how the baby may or may not have been planned, how the marriage is not going so well, or how the parents are on welfare. 

When you find a board of mothers that tried for over a year or two (infertiles), you find posts about how sad it is to see their children growing out of baby clothes because they may never have that again with another child.  Rather than reading posts about when they will try again – RIGHT AFTER THIS ONE IS BORN! – you get a sense of the gratefulness that the infertile feels.  That this was such a miraculous baby or after so many treatments or just plain TIME draining emotions, whatever it is…  there is a sense of complete gratefulness that is not experienced with the fertile. 

It’s easy as humans to take things for granted.  The roof over our heads, the cars we drive, and the health we don’t pay a dime for…  fertiles can take getting pregnant and keeping the pregnancy for granted.  It’s easy to do and nothing we should fault them for…  even half fertiles like me…  Not quite fertile/not quite infertile… can take for granted every day. 

May I have the moments that I have read from you mothers who tried for so long.  May I savor the infant in my arms, crying and wanting more, and may I forever never forget that what one woman has so easily, another woman is begging for…