kat deluna booed for national anthem

I really didn’t have to watch the Dallas and Eagles matchup last night since I was clearly going to win Week 2 of Fantasy Football (yes, I was sucked in this year with my husband’s work – they needed more people).  However, after watching Kat Deluna sing the national anthem AND get booed, I really should have turned the channel.  Not only was she flat and forgot some lyrics, but she sang the entire thing as if she was trying out for America’s Got Talent.  Seriously.  I haven’t seen anyone report on it yet, but I’m pretty sure that is what went down.

To change the subject a bit…

As I watched this unfold, I cried.  Really hard.  It was breathtaking really.  Those damn Brits have all the talent, no doubt.

The Story… (a video and the lyrics)

All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I’ve been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don’t mean anything
When you’ve got no one to tell them to
It’s true…I was made for you

I climbed across the mountain tops
Swam all across the ocean blue
I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules
But baby I broke them all for you
Because even when I was flat broke
You made me feel like a million bucks
Yeah you do and I was made for you

You see the smile that’s on my mouth
Is hiding the words that don’t come out
And all of my friends who think that I’m blessed
They don’t know my head is a mess
No, they don’t know who I really am
And they don’t know what I’ve been through but you do
And I was made for you…

Angel – aptly titled.

Angel

by Sarah McLachlan

Spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
there’s always one reason
to feel not good enough
and it’s hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
oh beautiful release
memory seeps from my veins
let me be empty
and weightless and maybe
I’ll find some peace tonight

in the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you’re in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there

so tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
there’s vultures and thieves at your back
and the storm keeps on twisting
you keep on building the lie
that you make up for all that you lack
it don’t make no difference
escaping one last time
it’s easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

in the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you’re in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
you’re in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here

Sometimes All I Do Is Cope…

I went to a concert last week – Patty Griffin at the Ryman. I sat in silence listening to her sing her soulful lyrics reaching into my heart. I sat with a kleenex held tightly in my hand and literally cried during most songs. Patty Griffin represents my husband and I meeting one another and going to the Uptown Mix (no longer held) hearing her sing. We’ve seen her so many times and so many times her lyrics and songs mean different things in different times. It’s almost like her songs and albums have lives of their own and the almost follow my life exactly.

She sang Goodbye.

Goodbye:
Occured to me the other day
You’ve been gone now a couple years
well, I guess it takes while
For someone to really disappear
And I remember where I was
When the word came about you
It was a day much like today
the sky was bright, and wide, and blue

And I wonder where you are
And if the pain ends when you die
And I wonder if there was
Some better way to say goodbye

Today my heart is big and sore
it’s tryin’ to push right through my skin
I won’t see you anymore
I guess that’s finally sinkin’ in
‘Cause you can’t make somebody see
By the simple words you say
All their beauty from within
Sometimes they just look away

But I wonder where you are
And if the pain ends when you die
And I wonder if there was
Some better way to say goodbye

This song reminds me of the twins I lost. I remember where I was when I heard the news that they were gone forever. I remember the morning of my d&c when I walked out on the back deck before the sun came up. The sky was dark and black and little shiny stars of snow were falling silently. I stood and stared out into the night watching the snow fall. It rarely snows here. It seemed like my own little miracle of heaven recognizing what February 2nd would forever mean to me.

Another song she sang was Rain. This song represents another situation in my life in the past – my divorce in 2001-02. It really spoke to me then; it speaks to me now. Life never really gives you a break on pain – pain is a guarantee in life. How I react to the pain is the only difference I can make and the only way I can give meaning to every pain that comes my way.

Rain:
It’s hard to listen to a hard hard heart
Beating close to mine
Pounding up against the stone and steel
Walls that I won’t climb
Sometimes a hurt is so deep deep deep
You think that you’re gonna drown
Sometimes all I can do is weep weep weep
With all this rain falling down

Strange how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
When I’m holding on underneath this shroud
Rain

Its hard to know when to give up the fight
Two things you want will just never be right
Its never rained like it has to night before
Now I don’t wanna beg you baby
For something maybe you could never give
I’m not looking for the rest of your life
I just want another chance to live

Strange how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
When I’m holding on underneath this shroud
Rain

Strange how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
When I’m holding on underneath this shroud
Rain

Strange how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
When I’m still alive underneath this shroud
Rain Rain Rain

Sometimes the hurt is so deep you feel that you’re going to drown… how true is that line! Sometimes I feel like I’m in a pool of thick water. It’s so thick I can’t move as I would normally would through water. The thick liquid is up to my neck, and I can’t escape it. There’s no ladder near me to climb out. There’s no wall near me to drag myself out. I’m stuck in the place of hopelessness just waiting for Someone to help me.

Nobody’s Crying is a great song. She sang this one as well, and I again just cried.

Nobody’s Crying:
As I’m sittin’ in the taxi for the sky
He’s off to slay some demon dragonfly
And he looks at me, that long last time
Turns away again and I waved goodbye
In an envelope, inside his coat
Is a chain I wore, around my throat
Along with, a note I wrote
Said “I love you but, I don’t even know why”

But darling, I wish you well
On your way to the wishing well
Swinging off of those gates of hell
But I can tell how hard you’re trying
Just have this secret hope
sometimes all we do is cope
Somewhere on the steepest slope
There’s an endless rope
And nobody’s crying

Well a long night turns into a couple long years
Of me walkin’ around, around this trail of tears
Where the very loud voices of my own fears
Is ringin’ and ringin’ in my ears
It says that love is long gone
Every move I make is all wrong
Says you never gave a damn for me
For anything, for anyone

But darling, I wish you well
On your way to the wishing well
Swinging off of those gates of hell
But I can tell how hard you’re trying,
Just have this secret hope
Sometimes all we do is cope
Somewhere on the steepest slope
There’s an endless rope
And nobody’s crying

May you dream you are dreaming, in a warm soft bed
And may the voices inside you that fill you with dread
Make the sound of thousands of angels instead
Tonight where you might be laying your head

I wish you well
On your way to the wishing well
Swinging off of those gates of hell
But I can tell how hard you’re trying
Still have this secret hope
Sometimes all I do is cope
Somewhere on the steepest slope
There’s an endless rope
And nobody’s crying
Nobody’s crying
Nobody’s crying

I think the line in this one that I’ll leave with today is, “Sometimes all we do is cope….”

My last Friday at this job, the Shins, etc…

I’m literally sitting here in a ghost town at work.  Most everyone is gone, and I’m answering the phone.  I’m probably the highest paid telephone operator in the country right at this moment pulling in pharmacist pay for this.  I’m not kidding.  Why does it bother me?  Well, I’m bored, frankly.  I’m bored with the same old same old although I’m able to sit here now and blog about it since the internet isn’t blocked for some reason.  Normally websense is turned on, and that’s fine, but I guess it’s a small blessing that I don’t have to sit here and stare at junky magazines with Britney’s bald head on the front screaming to me why she is a bad mom.  I only have 3 working days left:  Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday.

This is also the part of the cycle I enjoy…  imminent egg laying, as I call it.  I’m on the downhill part now.  And even better because once I drop that precious egg (laugh), something about the second half of the cycle and increased progesterone makes me run better.  I have a 5K next weekend downtown at the LP Field where the great Titans play NFL football.  I’m going through some major football withdrawals.

Tonight though is a good night.  I plan on going to the Ryman Auditorium and watching the Shins play live.  It’s a great venue where the acoustics are almost perfect. 

Snow Patrol’s new CD

I am really digging this band right now.  I must say that the entire album is very good.  The album is called Final Straw, and I find it to be one of my favorite albums to run to.  Not only that, but it’s great music for those long drives with lots of windshield time.