it’s a girl!
We’re over the moon to announce that we are expecting a baby girl! I have to admit that either gender would be fine, thank you very much, but once finding out, it’s so nice to wrap my head around the idea of her. We have a name picked out but can’t share it here. I try very hard to keep this blog as anonymous as possible and the name is a little bit unique.
Our home is on the market and ready to sell. In fact as soon as I’m able in the morning, my son and I are heading out-of-town with hubby for a much needed long weekend break. We cannot wait honestly. It’s long overdue. I’m hoping to sleep, sleep, and sleep some more!
I’m also going to do some much needed spring cleaning on the blogroll. I’m going to let some go just because either they are not blogging anymore, have refused to acknowledge I exist since having children, or just plain tired of the blog material. It’s quite ironic to rant and rave about a group who you don’t agree with… it’s another to be a pot calling the kettle black. LOL. Moving on…
Speaking of moving. I can’t wait to move. And my house is cleaner and rid of clutter more than it ever has been. I would love to learn how to live like this every day. It took FOREVER to get here. Keeping it here is not as bad as I thought.
2010… the year of many changes
I cannot believe it is 2010. Just doesn’t even look real.
That aside, we announced to my parents that we would be moving this spring. Maybe earlier if things work out. We are moving just 120 mins down the road. We were quite clever to announce it at a public restaurant. Brilliant actually considering my parents, especially with hubby absent, will just say whatever pops into their brain. I come by it honest, but it’s a quality I despise about myself. Why can’t we all have filters and USE them?
Hubby was a trooper and just said, “We have some bad news.” No actually, it is wonderful news! Hubby is going to be taking a new job and will not be traveling. I will have him at home like 3 years ago. It will be fun getting reacquainted. My father did his usual eye squinting and hands folding and looking at hubby with interest/contempt. He has this way about him that makes me want to just ignore him indefinitely. He makes me so uncomfortable and for the most part ignores me. Especially if a TV is on.
“I have found an opportunity that will take me off the road where I can be a parent to our kids and a husband to my wife.”
Mom looks at me like, “WTF?” Dad is still staring a hole in hubby’s face.
“When are you moving?” my mom asks.
“I’m moving right away, but she won’t join me until the house sells, etc…”
It just went downhill from there. My dad then tells us that it was a mistake that he and my mom relocated here in Dec 2007. Even though they have had almost two years with us, they have made it very clear over those two years that it’s not about us. It’s about our son. They even are rude enough to say it … “We came all the way here to see you, (term of endearment).” Thanks. I really appreciate it.
Thanks for reminding me why my sibiling did turn out the way he did. Thanks for constantly using guilt to get what you want. Or at least try to pretend to get what you want.
So my dad’s words about it being a mistake that they moved here just really bothered me at the restaurant. And I couldn’t hold back the flood of emotion that was welling up. Hormones along with it, and I just cried in a napkin. Ridiculous that I end up a blubbering mess yet again for the at least fourth time this past 12 months due to something my dad says. It’s not normal for a dad to make someone cry as much as he has me. I really believe I was happier prior to them moving here as well. It’s mutual I think. Which is sad.
Anyway, things are not so great here…
It’s amazing watching all the projects unfold… new carpet, paint, debrassing, etc… all the things you never do until you are leaving. Hilarious.
Hoping for a fast move.
shellie ross tweets her sons death 30 mins after he drowns
I am just stunned. First of all, I don’t follow a lot of the stereotypical “mom blogs” who generally have a big network of followers, supporters, etc… I will admit they really support one another, or seem to. Today, I was looking at my twitter which is not a daily thing I might add and mostly contains news like fox, cnn, and local stations, when I noticed a tweet from another mommy blogger… can’t remember who defending her blogging friend.
So Shellie Ross, today out of FL, tweets that her two year old son had just drowned in the family pool. Thirty minutes after the fact… to the general public. I cannot fathom losing my son and then having the ability to even breathe much less tweet 30 minutes later. It just seems so callous and wrong. How about a txt to a close friend who could tweet it for you? It’s like back in time when you go into mourning and wear black… it’s just a common sense thing… you just don’t. do. that.
Then Madison McGraw responds online and contacts the media. My first impression is fame. You HAVE to want the hits on your blog, knowing your news was posted on the Huffington Post, ABC news, and even the New York Times blog. She goes overboard for sure. The mommy bloggers respond on Twitter with name calling: missing tooth, or gapped tooth, fake breasts, and even goes so far as to post her real name and address. This all saddens me as these women, although thinking they are doing this to defend their friend, are in fact only making this story continue on and on.
Donations pour in to help the mother… I don’t know. Maybe if I’m in that position one day (God forbid) I will reach out to the world, but I can guarantee it won’t be on twitter. I never post anything so sensitive, raw, polarizing, or just plain strange. Or I would have someone else post it. Or I will reach out to my church… either way, I would never subject myself to posting something like this publically on twitter where crazies CAN pick it up and other crazies can get involved in an online bully fight… even tracking down blog posts about it.
From ABC News:
“Fog is rolling in thick scared the birds back in the coop,” Ross tweeted at 5:22 p.m. on Monday.
At 5:23 p.m., her son called 911 to report that his brother, 2-year-old Bryson, was floating unconscious in the pool. Records show that the Brevard County Fire-Rescue paramedics arrived at Ross’ Mirrett Island, Fla., home at 5:38 p.m.
And 34 minutes later, at 6:12 p.m., Ross tweeted again. “Please pray like never before, my 2 yr old fell in the pool.”
Nearly five hours later, after her son had been pronounced dead, Ross tweeted again.
“Remembering my million dollar baby,” she wrote. Ross included a photo of Bryson in the post, time-stamped at 11:08 p.m. A few minutes later, she posted another photo of her son.
Between the hours of 8:37 a.m. and 5:22 p.m (her first and last before son was found drowned in pool) she tweeted 74 times.
Seriously? It just doesn’t make sense to me. I would be distraught, perhaps catatonic. I wouldn’t be tweeting, but perhaps the addiction is worse than we thought. Perhaps tweeting is like any other addiction. Too much of a possible thing. Who cares that the fog was rolling in? I bet 70% of the tweets were just words. Words that maybe should stay inside our brains. Why would you want to document every moment of your life via twitter? I can see using it to be witty, but never to draw in the world because of tragedy showcasing neglect.
No parent is perfect. I’ve taken my eyes off my son for more than a minute. It doesn’t take long, but if you own a damn pool peope, 100% vigilence is mandatory. You don’t play with the roosters and tweet on your phone and be the rockstar in your own blogosphere. You live life where you ARE. Not that you can’t have friends on the internet, but don’t lose sight of your priorities. There is no difference with this than a mother doing ANYthing than doing what we are all as mothers are charged to do. Protect your children at all costs.
“People who are attacking me are just trying to drive attention to their blogs,” the tweeting mother stated.
Really? I don’t really need attention. I have a full-time job and don’t depend or predict this blog would ever be anything more than it is. The only one trying to gain attention here is the mother in my opinion. I hope other mothers don’t gain an idea from this… even though it’s obvious this mother loved her son, her priorities were skewed. I don’t post my real life name here or a pen name. I just post my own thoughts for myself really. One of those things as I’ve said in the past to read when I’m old.
Apparently she had told her older son to turn off the water to the pool or something and he didn’t shut the gate all the way. How about some safety features to ensure the gate would close? I would never trust another child regardless of age could understand the gravity of a 2 year old drowning and how fast it would be. BUT, I would never turn my back for a second if I lived in a home with a pool. If you are going to own a pool folks, you had better do everything in your power.
So yes, some may have attacked and she claims threatening her for being so callous, etc… but long after this story has died (quickly I hope) Ms. Ross will forever live with the thoughts of not keeping her eyes on her toddler. I know if an accident happened to my son, I wouldn’t want to live with what she will live with for the rest of her life. It seems more genuine when someone else goes to bat FOR you to arrange for donations, etc… Tweeting your own tragedy as it unfolds and the child is barely at the morgue is just too fast for my own taste. This is my opinion only. My feelings.
I don’t think she should be vilified for tweeting. She should be vilified for leaving her 2 year-old out of sight and hearing range long enough for him to drown in their own pool.
a phone call yesterday
I have a friend that I met when I met my hubby. His husband used to work with my hubby. She’s kept in relative touch over the years, plus they have season tickets to the NFL team here. Our seats are next to each other… not that I ever go anymore. Anyway, she gave me a call last night to just check up on us since she knows about the job hunt and the rest.
The rest always makes her laugh. She told me my life is almost a sitcom. Almost? Hardly… it IS. Let’s just go through a typical day in the life of B.
I get up usually around 5am. I have to work at 6am on most weekdays and every other Saturday so that’s the typical alarm in my face time. I usually hit snooze once. Sometimes, I get up a minute before the alarm goes off. That always freaks me out. Lately I’ve been taking a doxylamine every night before I go to sleep. What this does is prevent me from waking up do to racing thoughts. No, I’m not bipolar or manic. I just have some anxiety from time to time and pregnancy does exacerbate it quite a bit. Family stuff really comes to the forefront or forebrain I should say especially around 1-3am. I try to head it off at the pass with some good ole doxylamine or benadryl. Either will do. Not pregnant… it would be my favorite friend ambien.
I shower, dry my hair, and try to get ready for the day as if I was driving into an office, though I’m not. I work from home in an office. But, I pretend.
Around 5:45 am I carry my now 18 yr old dog down the stairs as the little one barks and I’m shhing him while my other 14 yo dog is bounding down the stairs one at a time stiff with arthritis. I turn off the alarm, and take the dogs out. I have to carry the old one into the yard or he’ll poop all over the sidewalk and driveway. Yes, he needs to be put to sleep in the worst way but he’s technically not my dog. He’s hubby’s dog. It’s been time.
The day begins like that. I herd them all out again around lunch. Keep in mind two of them wear belly bands with costco diapers stuffed in them. Hubby buys size 1-2 for the dogs and son gets his own size. I have THREE in diapers. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?????
I’m to the point where I’m ready for hubby to take the dogs with him on a trip or put them somewhere else but here when he’s gone. It’s too much for me to handle carrying my 30 lb dog, his 15 lb almost blind diaper wearing dog, and his 5 lb 8 yo (in other words, never will die and will live far past 20) who marks EVERYthing and is in diapers too.
It’s unreal. Sad. Funny. All in one.
It’s a regular doggy nursing home here. Nothing like the smell of my 14 yo dog who gets stuck in one place on the hardwood floor, walking in the house and being reminded of morning breath doggy style. It’s just swell. Especially pregnant 
just thoughts. imagine that.
I have been thinking the past few days about what to write here… there’s always something in my brain I want to share, to remember. But when I find the time to sit down and begin typing it out, I lose the thought and the idea, and I get quite frustrated. I’m working today. I don’t want to work today. In fact I’m sitting here trying to figure out how I can waste the last 30 minutes of my shift.
I’m frustrated with myself because I peeked at her facebook. My sibling’s wife. There was a picture of him with a kid about the age of my son on his lap. It still stung, but not as much as last year. That’s good news, I guess? I’m pissed because I’m sitting here alone. Yes yes my son is here still asleep since the nanny has this trick of letting him sleep forever. Keep in mind I heard him wake up and cry for about 2 minutes. I think she was asleep too. I guess he needs his sleep, but I’m irritated thinking he’s going to wake up high energy and yes… there ’s no husband coming home because he’s in Arkansas working today. I hate his job. I hate what I’ve become. Lonely and eager to move. I want a new start. I’m itching for something new.
I’m frustrated that I feel a bit silenced on my blog about my pregnancy. I don’t want to feel that way anymore. My body and reproductiveness has nothing to do with anyone else’s. We each have our own journey. Hopefully this is my last journey and if this blog becomes a family blog and I discuss my kids, is that so bad? So what. I lose readers. Big deal. If they cared about me they’d hang around, if not… then it was superficial anyway because we had something in common. Hopefully everyone will get their baby(ies) they long for. I truly believe it’s crap that someone who doesn’t want children can get pregnant and choose to terminate — thus I am in PRO LIFE — whereas the infertile or subfertile woman longs and longs and has her own journey. And the journey can make or break you. It can make you say things you wouldn’t say to someone you really love… I know I’ve made my share of slipups along the way. The one big family bust at the moment (sibling) was during my third trimester, by the way. I pretty much said what I thought with no filter. It made for major ugliness that has never been reversed to this day. I’ve just about given up on it, too… not because I don’t think he’ll come around at this point. BUT because I don’t really want him to.
He emailed my mother a year or so ago and said, “I like the way things are with her.” Talking about me. I think I get that sentiment. I like the way things are right now… well except when he found my family public blog and assumed a post in Jan 2009 was about him. He’s crazy like that – so sensitive for a man really. But it’s nice the way things are as long as he stays out of my life. He tried to create some drama in November and yes I had some major braxton hicks over it… yelling at my father and mother (me) and asking them to leave my home because they wanted me to delete my entire public family blog over one post that after reading, my mother changed her mind and understood at that point what she was asking. My father saying, “Who writes stuff on the internet anyway? It’s stupid.” Way to go, Dad. Way to confirm that my sibling’s issues may have actually come from parenting as he claims. I was just a casualty along the way. Us vs. them. I am on their side. Or her side (his ex-wife) or anyone’s side which means I’m not on his side.
Hello. We are 36 and 34. Seriously? Am I going to be blogging about this when I am 60?
I put up the tree last weekend. That was fun. I had to wait until my son was fast asleep and did a bang up job as the hubby packed his suitcase. Have I ever said how much I hate his job? Fingers crossed this week he hears from this new company two hours away with a job interview. I’m ready to move. I’m ready. I’m ready.
Thanksgiving was great. We stayed home… no 3.5 hour one way travel to hang out in a really run down duplex where my grandmother insists on living with my cousins and aunts/uncles. There’s a big split in the family (imagine that) at the moment because their holy roller church has a child molester leading the music. His uncle is the preacher and his daddy the main preacher. He has molested 6 boys since being there and none of them will testify against him. It’s sad. I still see pictures of him up on the net on the church’s website just hanging out and having a big ole’ time. You can imagine what I’d like to do to him since one of the victims is related to me. I’m so angry about it. I’m glad I didn’t go there to visit because one side of the family is still going to that crazy church. So, you can imagine the other side with the victim is very crushed they refuse to leave with them and basically are diminishing the crime. I’m sickened by my family on that side. Completely sickened.
Oh yeah… keep in mind none of them have called me or traveled here to even meet my son. The road goes both ways and I stopped trying.
Everything gets old after all. All the energy spent on my sibling. The energy to think about what to write. The energy spent thinking about who loves you and who doesn’t. It gets old. I just want my husband walking through the door after work – which by the way would be in 30 minutes if he had a normal local job – and a family in that… and that alone. In the end, the rest will die off and we’ll be left with each other after the kids are grown. I don’t want to lose what we found on Day 1 because of the rest of life. I love him.
Gotta finish this work thing. 9 more minutes.
so excited… deeply excited and it’s strange
For once in my life I’m lying here in bed with my laptop in my lap (that’s where it goes right?) and smiling because of the chance of hubby finding a job that actually keeps at home. We sent to the Y this morning to work out, and I ended up on an elliptical since I cannot run due to the degenerative disc disease in my back. Things have changed there for awhile and until I can get the six-pack abs the orthopedic surgeon said I would need to run no more than three times a week (and that’ll be awhile — 2 yrs at least) I’m doing cross training. So bummed that my body fat is higher than I would like and my BMI is 22. Ugh. That’s ok I mean, but I used to be better.
There is this job, you see, in another city two hours away with a new company from Germany that hubby is sending his resume for a chance. Can I just shout from the rooftops… this one specifically… that I am SO ready to leave this town and this house and start over? This house was built by him and his ex-wife for goodness sake. That in itself is enough. My parents did relocate here for their grandson, but hate to say it, it’s not about them. They are not retired and the one day a week she used to keep my son is now ZERO since she found a job closer to her house. It also costs us another $400/month to have childcare for that day she gave up. I give up too! Prior to this I would sort of think… well they will retire soon, it won’t be so hard, etc… etc… but the truth of the matter is that I need my husband. I don’t need my mom or dad or anyone else. I just need him. So, let’s just say that I am SO excited.
The thought of selling the house and finding one together, the thought of a new place and learning a new area. the thought of having each other again and sleeping in the same bed… is that too much to ask?
When my mother found of the plans through me softly letting her know what is going on at the moment, she said, “We would not have moved here had we known you would move.”
Yep. It’s all about her. I just told her that she couldn’t put that on me since I didn’t make them move and honestly I want a family… which includes hubby being at home. You could see in her face that she knew I was speaking the truth.
We would be close to the mountains. Closer to my best friend in Georgia. Closer together. Seems like a no-brainer to me.
first ultrasound
The first ultrasound went great and everything good. We go back on November 16th for the second ultrasound when I’ll be around 9-10 weeks. So far so good. I have been more relaxed lately about it though yesterday became increasingly worried since I was feeling better. Today the nausea is a little bit back and the fetal doppler should be here tomorrow. I know it is early, but I found my son’s heartbeat at 9 weeks with him. Hoping for the same for that assurance.
Other than that just laying low. It’s just a different excitement this time I suppose… I know what I’m in for as far as having two that close in age, etc… and it is likely our last child which in itself is bittersweet. I do look forward to a whole new chapter in life to move on to. As I said, this blog is just to chronicle my life and my thoughts – what I was into, etc… so that when I’m in a nursing home I can re-read it. Remember. I tend to forget so much already.
No posts about pregnancy or ultrasounds or the like meaning to offend anyone still in the earlier stages of the journey — especially long-term. I have no idea about how that would feel and how I would be if still there. Glad I’m not; wish no one else was. It should be easier.
the george thomas trial
Hamilton Co. jury sought for Knox Co. double murder trial
Yvette Martinez Updated: 8/30/2009 6:58:51 PM Posted: 8/30/2009 2:40:26 PM
Judge Richard Baumgartner is heading to Chattanooga to find another jury for an upcoming high profile double murder case that has captivated Knox County.
George Thomas is set to go to trial on October 28th. He is accused of torturing and killing Channon Christian and Chris Newsom in January 2007.
Last Wednesday, a Nashville jury convicted Thomas’ best friend Letalvis Cobbins to life in prison without the possibility of parole for killing Christian.
Both Thomas and Cobbins were arrested at a house in Lebanon, Kentucky on January 11, 2007, just two days after Christian’s body was found in a trash can in Knoxville.
Investigators also took Cobbins’ girlfriend Vanessa Coleman in for questioning, but she wasn’t charged until the end of January 2007.
Coleman and Cobbins both surrendered at the house, but officers had to go inside to force Thomas to turn himself in to law enforcement.
On Monday morning, Judge Baumgartner will ask about 200 Hamilton County residents to fill out a lengthy questionnaire. They will be polled about their views on the death penalty and if they have been exposed to publicity about the double murders.
Thomas’ attorneys Thomas Dillard and Stephen Johnson, along with Assistant District Attorneys Leland Price and Takisha Fitzgerald will also make the trip to Chattanooga on Monday.
Dillard says they will use the same questionnaire used to poll nearly 170 Nashville jurors in preparation for Cobbins’ trial.
Cobbins told police that he overheard his older brother and co-defendant Lemaricus Davidson tell Thomas that he had to prove himself. Cobbins said the two left the house for hours the night that Newsom was shot, burned and left by the railroad tracks near Cherry Street.
Coleman told investigators that Thomas admitted to shooting and killing Newsom.
After the judge gets back from Chattanooga, he will start searching for a fair and impartial jury for Lemaricus Davidson’s trial.
On Tuesday, the judge will give nearly 1,000 potential Knox County jurors questionnaires to see if they have already formed an opinion abou the high-profile case.
Davidson has asked for a Knox County jury for a Knox County trial. Davidson is expected to go to trial on September 21st. However, Judge Baumgartner told attorneys he believes it could take at least 2 weeks to find a jury. He is unsure what he will do, if he still can’t find a panel after 2 weeks of searching.
Jury for Thomas trial being selected in Hamilton Co.
Posted: Aug 31, 2009 6:44 AM
Updated: Aug 31, 2009 10:40 AM
By HANA KIM
6 News Reporter
CHATTANOOGA (WATE) — The jury for George Thomas, the third defendant to stand trial in the Christian-Newsom murders, is being selected in Hamilton County. The process began Monday.
The county seat is Chattanooga and that’s where Knox County court officials summoned 410 potential jurors to the courthouse Monday morning to fill out questionnaires.
One woman was dismissed after telling the court she has three jobs and an unemployed husband who expects home cooked meals.
Thomas chose not to come to court like his friend Letalvis Cobbins did when the jury for his trial was selected in Nashville.
One question on the jury questionnaire asks whether the person knows the race of the defendants. All four are black. The two victims were white.
Other questions ask if the potential jurors have seen reports about the case on TV or if they’ve ever blogged or commented about it online.
In April, Judge Richard Baumgartner ruled to allow unrestricted media coverage in the trials. All four defendants had asked the court to order media outlets to prohibit people from posting comments about stories related to the case.
Jury selection for Thomas’ trial will continue on October 28, 29 and possibly on the 30th.
——————-
The trial starts on December 1st. I really cannot wait! More justice will be served. I wonder how Davidson is doing on death row?
the last post about NJ
I had to do an overhaul on some of the posts on this blog in reference to my whack job of a brother. This will be the last time I even mention him… I hope! Well, at least publicly. I have the ability to set posts private, and will do that. You see, here’s the story. Two days ago I am working and minding my own business with thoughts of NJ (nutjob = brother) never ever on my mind anymore. You see, in January 2009, I really let it go.
Suddenly, I get a random comment to a post made in January 2009 about birth order, etc… on my public family blog which I will not list here since the point of this one is to speak my mind! The comment said something to the effect of being dedicated to the hero child who is still performing on the internet. I was like, “Whaaaa?” Sure enough do an arin whois and it’s NJ. I posted a reply to the NJ that ONLY had the IP of the originator and the company name. Yeah, you are busted. Yeah you signed it Michael, the same name by the way that you used when trying to stalk your ex-wife on myspace years ago and deleted your profile suddenly when she started figuring it out. Yep. You are definitely a NJ. He realizes he’s busted at that point and responds from my incarcerated brother – angerandvengeance@gmail.com and called me a piece of sh*t. Whatever. I deleted it
He then proceeds to get on Facebook and harrass my mom while she is here with my dad about my blog post saying it was all about him. It really wasn’t. I didn’t even ASSIGN him a profile but at this point I’d say yeah… you are the scapegoat and a miserable human being. He tells her that he will add her to the list of those he is not speaking to. (Say it isn’t so!!! I now realize being on his list has been a BLESSING that I have not recognized properly). AND that he isn’t coming for the holidays! WOO WOO! Another peaceful Thanksgiving and Christmas! YES!
Here’s the lie. He says that a consultant there in NC came in with the last name the same as my hubby. He says to my parents that he told the guy, “Oh, my sister is married to a ________ do you know any in (state)?” The guy didn’t. Then later he just HAPPENED to come back and said he googled my last name and the blog came right up. Funny. You try to do that and it doesn’t. He said that it would ruin his reputation though the post had no mention that I even had a NJ of a brother. Hilarious. Even more hilarious is that I can see it was only him on the website by unique users in Charlotte, NC. Idiot.
Things blow up here. Settle down. Then yesterday it starts back up again b/c NJ sent our dad an email with all kinds of cursing in it about my blog in general and that the company my dad works for flagged the email and he’s being investigated. So he called his son, NJ, who should know being the big time management guy he is too about company email and the use of vulgar language… then says he is going to sue me. Really, NJ. There is NOTHING to sue over.
My dad tells him that he is a grown man and that I am a grown woman and that if he has anything to say he should just call me. Amen Dad. NJ doesn’t have the internal fortitude to even try to call me though I wouldn’t answer the phone anyway.
This all happened for a reason. I’m always asking and found 30 blog posts over the life of this blog about how crazy NJ is. All the hurt he has caused in our family.
Bottom line:
1. Thank you for ignoring me the past two years. Thank you. Seriously. You physically attacking me years ago really was the end of me caring about you like I wish I could. Thanks for nailing the nails in the coffin on our relationship. I have asked God to let us reconcile, but God can’t make you do anything. You are obviously a NJ and crazy.
2. Mom and Dad are seeing your ways through this last incident. Dad read my blog and found nothing about you NJ.
3. I needed this closure.
Done. Done. Done.
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